2/30 - Fears

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears

Birds

My fear of birds is by far the most irrational, and probably the one that I have to deal with the most on a daily basis. This irrational fear began way back in 3rd grade, and has only been growing. We were pet-sitting my next-door neighbor's cockatoo, Elvis, and my sister and I went next-door to feed it. While Cait was filling Elvis' water dish he squeezed out through that hole, and began dive-bombing my sister and I through the next half hour. We were 13 and 9 respectively and spent the entire time screaming and crying until my dad eventually came by and got Elvis back in his cage. Even after this incident I was attacked by a bird in college, been pooped on 3 times, had a bird fly at my car windshield, and generally had them wreak havoc in my life. Since then I have lived in constant fear of these winged rats. Growing up near Chicago I was especially terrified of going downtown because it meant I would be surrounded by birds. Even writing this post has given me goosebumps. 

Disappointment

I have big shoes to fill (both literally and figuratively, my sister has HUGE feet). Both my parents were the first people in their families to go to college. They worked hard to put themselves through school, and to be in the place they are now. My sister graduated at the top of her class at the Academy and has determination like no one I have ever met. Cait works harder and is intuitively smarter than 90% of the people she has ever met. Throughout high school and my first two years of college I spent my time trying to live up to the standard she had set. Straight A's. No nonsense. It took me nearly six years to realize that we aren't the same person and never will be. It took my parents this long to realize it as well. While they eventually realized I don't have the same internal workings as seeing the world in black or white, I have strengths that come through in a different way. With that being said, I am still terrified of disappointing my family at any given time. Be it academically or with any other decisions in my life, the last thing I ever want to do is alienate the individuals who have done so much for me and continually do.

Being Alone Forever

This fear has kind of evolved over time. It began with me hating every second of being by myself, I was constantly surrounded by a group of people. Over time I began to tolerate my alone time, and even crave it sometimes now. This fear now lives more so in that forever aspect. I'm terrified of never finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I crave that daily contact with someone who will love me eternally. It scares me that Bry and I have been long-distance from day one. We spend too little time together to have time just to be bored. It terrifies me that the first time we are living in the same city (hell even the same part of the country) he will realize that I'm too much for him. I can be any combination of loud, cranky, bitchy, messy, moody or sad in a matter of five minutes. I'm scared that someday I will do something to scare this wonderful man away.

Most of my fears are irrational, but they're just that - they're mine. These are things that in some capacity I deal with on a daily basis. Describing what I fear I think is a pretty unique way to describe facets of my personality that may not normally come into play. 

Tomorrow's Topic: Describe your relationship with your parents